Home » The Crystal Hall » Fan Fiction Discussion » A's Team (and sequels) Discussion
| A's Team (and sequels) Discussion [message #15822] |
Fri, 31 October 2008 20:27  |
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 Aranis
Messages: 730
Registered: October 2008
Location: Mid-Atlantic US |
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Hey everyone.
I've done some writing and been told that it was pretty good (take that as you will). Hopefully, you'll think the same of this fanfic.
I wanted to write about a guy with a really unique power, which I'm not gonna describe in full detail at the moment. I'll leave that for when he gets over to Whateley. Let's just say this: it's not what it appears.
Also, I wanted to come up with a character that would not be in Poe, not because I have anything against those characters (otherwise, I wouldn't be reading their stories) but I thought Poe was getting a little . . . stuffed. Plenty of characters already. I also have some other characters I plan to use in this one, if the feedback is positive.
So, what do you guys think? Good? Bad? Unsuitable to the setting?
Criticism: fire at will!
EDIT: Changed it so that you can discuss the whole story arc in one thread, instead of Part by Part.
[Updated on: Tue, 03 February 2009 01:45]
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| Re: A's Team: Part 1 -- Megadeus [message #15825 is a reply to message #15823 ] |
Sat, 01 November 2008 02:02  |
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KenJ
Messages: 596
Registered: February 2005
Location: Philadelphia, Pa USA |
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That was fun, but also a little odd. I thought at first that Megadeus was some kind of strange astral projection that took on a solid form. Then A seems to under go a total transformation. So how did A get back to bed and asleep, and why would he go back to bed in the first place, then not remember doing it?
Well, I suppose he could have done both. Dream up a superpowered form in his sleep that he projected into the material world, and once he did that could later transform into it in some way while awake. This does need some explaining though, so I hope you get to part 2 soon.
Any hints about what was actually going on? 
Don't forget the MCO, A needs to get a MID at some point.
[Updated on: Sat, 01 November 2008 02:05]
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| Re: A's Team: Part 1 -- Megadeus [message #15836 is a reply to message #15822 ] |
Sat, 01 November 2008 11:15 |
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Aranis
Messages: 730
Registered: October 2008
Location: Mid-Atlantic US |
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Hey, thanks for the feedback, guys.
As for what's REALLY GOING ON . . .
I'll try to give a few hints.
First, for the whole thing his not remembering getting back to bed, basically, his first full-blown use of all that power didn't quite agree with him. He used flight, invulnerability, super-absorption, and some super-strength, all within minutes of transforming into a new body. Like what happens with real people when they get overloaded, he sort of blanked out, but still had enough presence of mind to get back to bed.
Second, as to the nature of his powers, they're very complicated. I will say that the whole 'transform into a character' is actually a combination of four mutant traits. His improved athleticism in 'normal form' is due to his being an Exemplar, probably Ex 2.
Third, as a response to the whole MCO/MID issue . . . I still haven't read all the stories yet (current completion: Billie through Billie 3, Ayla through Ayla 3, Nikki through Nikki 3, Chaka through Chaka 2, Jade through Jade 2, and Revenge of the Alphas). That said, I have a rough idea of what the MCO is, but I do not know what an MID is. Care to give me a nutshell explanation?
[Updated on: Sat, 01 November 2008 11:19]
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| Re: A's Team [message #15839 is a reply to message #15822 ] |
Sat, 01 November 2008 14:08 |
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Aranis
Messages: 730
Registered: October 2008
Location: Mid-Atlantic US |
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Part 2: FTL is up, now.
I can't wait to write about the supervillain that's following A.  He has a really nasty power, too.
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| Re: A's Team [message #15842 is a reply to message #15839 ] |
Sat, 01 November 2008 18:45 |
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KenJ
Messages: 596
Registered: February 2005
Location: Philadelphia, Pa USA |
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The MID is a mutant identification card that all mutants are required to carry and present to the police or MCO when asked. Especially when trying to board the public airlines, mutant energies can be detected and they want to no what can of potential hazard a mutant might be. The MCO maintain a comprehensive database of all activated mutants that the police agencies use worldwide. A mutant is NOT required to give their real name on their MID, only codenames are used. What is listed is a detailed classification of their powers (examplar, energizer, warper, regen etc) and its level, and a list of how the mutant uses the power (flight, speed, density control, invulnerability etc).
A new, powerful, unidentified mutant triggers red flags throughout the city, state, federal and international police community. The MCO might try to muscle in with a couple of their suborbital drop ships carrying armored strike teams, thou the US doesn't allow it unless really needed. Megadeus is going to create waves as soon as the police realize they can't identify him by his appearence and powers signiture. No one will panic right away, he's a hero and he might be a metahuman who had undergone an origin rather than a mutant. Lots of questions are going to start to be asked, however.
If A can create other "characters" with different power sets than he might need a seperate MID for each. There are a lot of mutants who undergo transformation into a powered state but if A has multiple power forms he might want to keep that secret.
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| Re: A's Team [message #15912 is a reply to message #15822 ] |
Sun, 02 November 2008 21:17 |
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Aranis
Messages: 730
Registered: October 2008
Location: Mid-Atlantic US |
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Part 3 is up.
Well, how did I do on the portrayal of an MCO officer? Truth be told, I winged it, not REALLY knowing how the MCO works. Instead, I just generalized from how the police officer treated Jade, as well has how law enforcement agencies work in general (at least as portrayed on TV).
And, yes, that bit about the supervillain was cheap I admit, but I had to change the plot some when KenJ brought up the MCO. Granted, I think Agent Little's inclusion brings the story better in line with the rest of the Whateley setting.
As for how A's powers work, here's another hint, that might make a a beat in Part 2 make more sense. His Juice is acquired from sunlight.
As for the villain, I still don't want to give away his powerset yet, but I will give you his name.
Chasm.
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| Re: A's Team [message #15918 is a reply to message #15912 ] |
Sun, 02 November 2008 22:13 |
The Unicorn
Messages: 717
Registered: July 2007 |
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| Aranis wrote on Sun, 02 November 2008 21:17 |
Part 3 is up.
Well, how did I do on the portrayal of an MCO officer? Truth be told, I winged it, not REALLY knowing how the MCO works. Instead, I just generalized from how the police officer treated Jade, as well has how law enforcement agencies work in general (at least as portrayed on TV).
And, yes, that bit about the supervillain was cheap I admit, but I had to change the plot some when KenJ brought up the MCO. Granted, I think Agent Little's inclusion brings the story better in line with the rest of the Whateley setting.
As for how A's powers work, here's another hint, that might make a a beat in Part 2 make more sense. His Juice is acquired from sunlight.
As for the villain, I still don't want to give away his powerset yet, but I will give you his name.
Chasm.
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That was well written and completely unbelievable. Not the MCO agent actually. Given the circumstances it's quite believable to encounter a helpful, non-mutant hating MCO agent and while hem being so certain about A's mutation is nonsense it's the sort of nonsense someone like him might spout trying to pretend he's an expert to someone who has no idea on the subject based on knowing a little bit on the subject.
The problem was A's father. The sensebile and cautious thing to do is NOT walk over to the neares police station, or evn contact a nearby superhero group (although that would be MUCH safer and more sensibile course of action, as would contacting someone who knew more about this forex. one of Mr. J's mutant friends)
There are several sensible courses of action but the only one I can see a man who's first and automatic reaction upon hearing his son was kicked out of school unfairly was to call his lawyer is call the lawyer to find out what rights and obligations they have under the circumstances. The lawyer might tell him immediately or might need to send him to someone who specializes in cases involving mutants/empowered people. Whichever one thing they'd be advised AGAINST doing is giving their real names or anything that could be traced back to them. For that matter all they probably need to do is have their lawyer deliver to the MCO a statement that 'Megadeus is the manifested form of a newly emerged underage mutant. The Mutant's legal guardians are making proper arrangements for his or her education and control' and that will hold for official action needed until they get to Whateley (or for that matter some other school or private tutor).
It's possible that they'd need to take his statement but that could be done with A disguised and in the Lawyer's office.
Another possibility is that the Lawyer directs them to some Whateley liason like the cop Jade talked to who did her initial testing and have the liason take care of whatever statements are needed.
Going up in public to the local police station and having their real names entered into the official record is slightly smarter than calling up the local branch of Humanity first to taunt them, but not by all that much. Even assuming they were as lucky as you described them being that nobody they met was anti mutant having their real names and address in the official record means anyone who wants to can look them up.
The Unicorn
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| Re: A's Team [message #15931 is a reply to message #15924 ] |
Sun, 02 November 2008 23:31 |
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KenJ
Messages: 596
Registered: February 2005
Location: Philadelphia, Pa USA |
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Aranis, there is nothing to be confused about, they are totally different circumstances. Yes, a great many young mutants manifest in public and as such become part of the public record. However, if their private identity hasn't been compromised they are not required to make it public. Given his transformational ability, Alex's identity wasn't compromised in the least. Mutants who undergo transformational shift into powered forms generally go to great lengths, when possible, to maintain separation between the powered form and base form. In particular, the criminal element maintain it at all cost. See Boston Brawl 2 where the Arch-Fiend used the "Banner Defense" in court where the DA couldn't prove the defendant actually was the Arch-Fiend.
I was rather shocked when you had Alex transform at the station in front of everyone, including several criminals. There was no effort made to retain any privacy, let allow any secrecy, which didn't make any sense.
[Updated on: Sun, 02 November 2008 23:40]
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| Re: A's Team [message #15935 is a reply to message #15924 ] |
Sun, 02 November 2008 23:51 |
The Unicorn
Messages: 717
Registered: July 2007 |
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| Aranis wrote on Sun, 02 November 2008 22:42 |
Ah, I see.
You're right, the course you suggest would be more sensible. I might rewrite that.
I had gotten the idea for A's course of action from Ayla 1 -- Ayla and the Late Trevor James Goodkind, where Ayla gets into it with Sparkler, goes to the police station, and then they refer her to get the Whateley papers, etc. Does sort of thing not happen with other teenaged mutants who manifest in public for the first time?
I'm confused.
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a few differences to note about Ayla and the cops:
-Ayla didn't go to them, she didn't really have a choice so made the best of it.
-Nobody was looking so there was less chance of a team from H1, MCO or some other group being in place to snatch/kill her or someone looking for blackmail material.
-Ayla was interviewed as part of the incident at the bank, not for her mutant I.D the cops may have observed somethings about her abilities but those might not be recorded, and if they are not under anything relating to Phase making it considerably more difficult for anyone to dig it up.
-Ayla's true name and code name were never linked. People in the whateley universe are quit careful not to have any official documents containing both the code name and the real name of a mutant or empowered baseline.
Keep in mind that Ayla having already fought a battle when she got to Whateley was considered VERY unusual.
Another way you could do things is have agent Young be a friend of either the Father or Mr J. You can than have him get them to come (discreetly, i.e no manifesting in the middle of the station just show up, say they're there to meet Agent Young then in a private, unrecorded meeting Young gets A to manifest Megadeus and asks the questions he did for Megadeus' MID and doesn't record anything about the family.
Either way Lawyer, or family friend someone should suggest to them they get a separate MID for each form.
The Unicorn
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| Re: A's Team [message #15943 is a reply to message #15933 ] |
Mon, 03 November 2008 00:37 |
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KenJ
Messages: 596
Registered: February 2005
Location: Philadelphia, Pa USA |
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| Quote: |
I guess that I still had some holdover from Marvel, where basically, if you were a mutant, pretty much everyone just kinda knew.
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To some extent this is true, particularly if the mutant undergoes any kind of gross change. The legal system in the Whateley Universe however backs an effort to maintain a sense of privacy for its mutant citizens. Alex's neighbors might indeed know that he is a mutant, the physical changes he is undergoing are a little hard to hide and for others it's worse, but the fact that he is Megadeus is his secret to keep if he can. In public records Codenames are used unless a mutant is convected of a crime in court, while using his powers. As such, since the duration of his transformations are so short at present, Alex himself would likely have his own Codename separate from that of Megadeus or FTL, with a court ordered block on the link between the three if Alex admits to them all. Both Jade and Jinn have separate MIDs, Alex might need to do something similar. Each of Alex's forms (however many he might develop) each need to be registered individually, the link between them all...not so much.
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