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Re: Medley: Emergence Discussion [message #24925 is a reply to message #14368 ] Wed, 04 February 2009 01:25 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Arkain is currently offline Arkain
Messages: 170
Registered: July 2008
As long as there's no sickeningly walrus-like people.

Rar!
Calvin: "The moral of the story -- snow goons are bad news."
Hobbes: "You tend to have very specific morals."
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Re: Medley: Emergence Discussion [message #25006 is a reply to message #14368 ] Wed, 04 February 2009 12:07 Go to previous messageGo to next message
God_of_Awesome is currently offline God_of_Awesome
Messages: 374
Registered: November 2008
Your writing sort of confuses me, but I'll keep reading this.
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Re: Medley: Emergence Discussion [message #25051 is a reply to message #25006 ] Wed, 04 February 2009 14:45 Go to previous messageGo to next message
tensai is currently offline tensai
Messages: 976
Registered: July 2008
God_of_Awesome wrote on Wed, 04 February 2009 09:07

Your writing sort of confuses me, but I'll keep reading this.


Hmm. If you don't mind me asking, what do you find confusing about it? I'm always interested in improving my work.

"It took her some time to accept that with such wings, her soul would never soar--but the fact that she could kick a man's lungs out through his spine was ultimately some small consolation." -ursulav
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Re: Medley: Emergence Discussion [message #25089 is a reply to message #25051 ] Wed, 04 February 2009 18:30 Go to previous messageGo to next message
God_of_Awesome is currently offline God_of_Awesome
Messages: 374
Registered: November 2008
It is a bit hard to explain precisely, but I have a hard time following the action and telling who is who and doing what.
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Re: Medley: Emergence Discussion [message #25092 is a reply to message #25089 ] Wed, 04 February 2009 18:42 Go to previous messageGo to next message
tensai is currently offline tensai
Messages: 976
Registered: July 2008
God_of_Awesome wrote on Wed, 04 February 2009 15:30

It is a bit hard to explain precisely, but I have a hard time following the action and telling who is who and doing what.


I see. I've always tried to keep my work clear and readable, so if you can point out any instances where I do slip up, I can take a look at them.

"It took her some time to accept that with such wings, her soul would never soar--but the fact that she could kick a man's lungs out through his spine was ultimately some small consolation." -ursulav
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Re: Medley: Emergence Discussion [message #25160 is a reply to message #14368 ] Thu, 05 February 2009 01:59 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Arkain is currently offline Arkain
Messages: 170
Registered: July 2008
I've encouraged the sense of disorientation. What you have here is a sensory experience well and fully divorced from your own.

Rar!
Calvin: "The moral of the story -- snow goons are bad news."
Hobbes: "You tend to have very specific morals."
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Re: Medley: Emergence Discussion [message #26718 is a reply to message #14368 ] Fri, 13 February 2009 18:55 Go to previous messageGo to next message
tensai is currently offline tensai
Messages: 976
Registered: July 2008
Erin returns! Proofing and Editing: Arkain and Aranis.

This section includes:

Goats!
Anger!
Bad Novels!
More Paperwork!
Quantum Styrofoam!
The Touching of Bases!
References to Astronomical Phenomena!
Undead Eldritch Beings of the Order Cetacea!

Enjoy! Comments appreciated, as always.

"It took her some time to accept that with such wings, her soul would never soar--but the fact that she could kick a man's lungs out through his spine was ultimately some small consolation." -ursulav
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Re: Medley: Emergence Discussion [message #26720 is a reply to message #14368 ] Fri, 13 February 2009 18:59 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Arkain is currently offline Arkain
Messages: 170
Registered: July 2008
And smells like pineapple.

Rar!
Calvin: "The moral of the story -- snow goons are bad news."
Hobbes: "You tend to have very specific morals."
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Re: Medley: Emergence Discussion [message #26722 is a reply to message #26718 ] Fri, 13 February 2009 19:34 Go to previous messageGo to next message
oljak.eru is currently offline oljak.eru
Messages: 1341
Registered: December 2008
tensai wrote on Sat, 14 February 2009 00:55

Undead Eldritch Beings of the Order Cetacea!
Fabulous, the molluscs really needed the break Smile

“I am SO level-headed! And anyone who says different is going to have to answer to... The CABBIT OF DOOM!” -Jade
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Re: Medley: Emergence Discussion [message #26726 is a reply to message #26722 ] Fri, 13 February 2009 21:32 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Rabiata is currently offline Rabiata
Messages: 521
Registered: July 2008
Location: Germany
Lovely bit of background with the "Shiv Chasm" novels(?). Google doesn't know him, so I assume you just invented that piece of pulp fiction on the spot.

Very well done, that kind of detail makes the story vivid in a funny way. "Shiv Chasm" is sooo bad, it made me chuckle while reading. Very Happy
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Re: Medley: Emergence Discussion [message #26728 is a reply to message #26726 ] Fri, 13 February 2009 21:57 Go to previous messageGo to next message
tensai is currently offline tensai
Messages: 976
Registered: July 2008
Rabiata wrote on Fri, 13 February 2009 18:32

Lovely bit of background with the "Shiv Chasm" novels(?). Google doesn't know him, so I assume you just invented that piece of pulp fiction on the spot.

Very well done, that kind of detail makes the story vivid in a funny way. "Shiv Chasm" is sooo bad, it made me chuckle while reading. Very Happy


Good to hear that you enjoyed it! Shiv was actually (loosely) inspired by Clive Cussler's Dirk Pitt, who (sadly) does not hunt mystical undead whales.

And yes, it's bad. I actually had to take a little break so I could clear my head and write normally again. Very Happy

"It took her some time to accept that with such wings, her soul would never soar--but the fact that she could kick a man's lungs out through his spine was ultimately some small consolation." -ursulav
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Re: Medley: Emergence Discussion [message #26848 is a reply to message #14368 ] Sat, 14 February 2009 21:06 Go to previous messageGo to next message
icarius is currently offline icarius
Messages: 21
Registered: December 2008
numa numa


Be the Ultimate Ninja! Play Billy Vs. SNAKEMAN today!
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Re: Medley: Emergence Discussion [message #26894 is a reply to message #26848 ] Sun, 15 February 2009 03:09 Go to previous messageGo to next message
tensai is currently offline tensai
Messages: 976
Registered: July 2008
And someone caught the reference. Very Happy

"It took her some time to accept that with such wings, her soul would never soar--but the fact that she could kick a man's lungs out through his spine was ultimately some small consolation." -ursulav
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Re: Medley: Emergence Discussion [message #29071 is a reply to message #14368 ] Fri, 27 February 2009 22:41 Go to previous messageGo to next message
tensai is currently offline tensai
Messages: 976
Registered: July 2008
The final section of Emergence is out!

Mysteries are revealed... and stuff. Thanks to Arkain and Aranis for proofing and offering suggestions.

Enjoy, comments appreciated. Very Happy

[Updated on: Fri, 27 February 2009 23:34]

"It took her some time to accept that with such wings, her soul would never soar--but the fact that she could kick a man's lungs out through his spine was ultimately some small consolation." -ursulav
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Re: Medley: Emergence Discussion [message #29072 is a reply to message #14368 ] Fri, 27 February 2009 23:03 Go to previous messageGo to previous message
Talhe is currently offline Talhe
Messages: 156
Registered: November 2008
Location: Saint Paul, Minnesota
Finally, we get some answers!

As for the rest of the story, I thought the integration of the Palm AI into the Medley's story was well used. However, I'm a bit afraid of how a gadgeteer or devisor is going to looks at her...

Keep up the good work!

I don't need the answer; just ask me the question.
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