| Re: Falling to Pieces [message #62887 is a reply to message #61260 ] |
Sun, 05 August 2012 20:17   |
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 GuesssWho
Messages: 257
Registered: December 2011 |
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I actually kind of like Creepshow. Also Rend, but that's because mantises and cannibalism both interest me.
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| Re: Falling to Pieces [message #62891 is a reply to message #62887 ] |
Sun, 05 August 2012 21:08 |
Caliban
Messages: 154
Registered: May 2011
Location: Phoenix, AZ |
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| GuesssWho wrote on Sun, 05 August 2012 17:17 | I actually kind of like Creepshow. Also Rend, but that's because mantises and cannibalism both interest me.
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Yeah, I kind of had more planned for them, but when I started writing that scene, Jamie basically decided she'd had enough and the fight became kind of short and abrupt. 
Funny enough, due to the way Jamie's vision works we never get to see why Creepshow got his name. (Basically, his skin is invisible). He has the ability to control the transparency of objects near him - makes him a good locksmith/safecracker because he can make the lock or safe door transparent and directly observe the mechanisms.
[Updated on: Mon, 06 August 2012 06:52]
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| Re: Falling to Pieces Discussion [message #62908 is a reply to message #61260 ] |
Mon, 06 August 2012 04:57 |
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GuesssWho
Messages: 257
Registered: December 2011 |
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Are they canon? If not, will we ever get their backstories?
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| Re: Falling to Pieces Discussion [message #62913 is a reply to message #62908 ] |
Mon, 06 August 2012 07:06 |
Caliban
Messages: 154
Registered: May 2011
Location: Phoenix, AZ |
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| GuesssWho wrote on Mon, 06 August 2012 01:57 | Are they canon? If not, will we ever get their backstories?
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No, they are all original characters for this story. Currently, I don't plan on using them again, but you never know.
Here's the updated notes I have on them. Flab changed a bit from my original idea, originally he had a childlike intelligence, but morphed into the gangs leader while I was writing the scene. Characters sometimes take on a life of their own.
The Freakshow - prison gang composed entirely of members with visible GSD. Heavily discriminated against by the other inmates, they have become one of the most vicious gangs as a result. (There are probably more members, but these are the only ones to appear in the story so far.)
Skittles - Energizer 2 - Ratman with with an amphetamine addiction and enhanced speed and reflexes. Was a messenger boy for a local gang, was rounded up in a drug bust. Was sent here after he seriously wounded a guard at the county jail he was in.
Rend - Avatar 1 - chitinous carapace on his skin, mandibles, preying mantis-like forearms with sharp chitin blades, cannibalistic tendencies. Lived on the streets, was found feeding on a pimp and one of his working girls.
Flab - Exemplar 4, Regen 6 (limited), Shifter 1 - Current leader of Freakshow. 7 feet tall, enormously fat with loose folds of flesh hanging off of him. Has limited control over the folds of flesh, can "grab" things that are touching them. Has been known to smother people by enveloping them in his folds of fat. Also can use his excess fat to heal wounds (rapidly converting it to other types of tissue) but the regeneration is limited by the amount of extra fat he currently has. Always hungry, he suffocated the owners of a local eatery when they tried to throw him out of their "all you can eat" buffet.
Creepshow - WA 2 - his skin is invisible, showing the muscles, sinews, and nerves underneath. He can turn things he touches translucent, or make translucent things opaque. Skilled safecracker
Eyekill - TK 2, ESP 2 - a human cyclops, he can project red bolts of psychokinetic energy from his single eye, and can make them bounce off sufficiently hard surfaces. His ESP lets him sense how to place the bolts so they ricohet where he wants. Is convinced Marvel owes him money. In for attempted robbery and aggravated assault.
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| Re: Falling to Pieces Discussion [message #62992 is a reply to message #61260 ] |
Tue, 07 August 2012 17:57 |
Riniko22
Messages: 72
Registered: September 2011 |
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It seems more like the leader that is trying to brainwash her is or believes myself to be from a possible future. But it may be that he was from a alternate universe that seems to be slightly ahead of us. So he is trying to recreate conditions that lead to her being with him in that reality, so the implanted memories may be real but from that reality's version of her.
Don't see a problem with the idea of time travel being a power with one only being able to observe past events in a immaterial manner and move forward into the future. Moving forward in this manner leaves you unable to interact with the existing world until you drop out and back to normal mode. It would make waiting rooms a hell of a lot easier to handle. 
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| Re: Falling to Pieces Discussion [message #63539 is a reply to message #61260 ] |
Thu, 16 August 2012 19:34 |
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GuesssWho
Messages: 257
Registered: December 2011 |
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Ever read Perdido Street Station? Because Rend kinda makes me think of Jack Half-A-Prayer.
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| Re: Falling to Pieces Discussion [message #63550 is a reply to message #63523 ] |
Fri, 17 August 2012 01:11 |
Caliban
Messages: 154
Registered: May 2011
Location: Phoenix, AZ |
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| beyogi wrote on Thu, 16 August 2012 01:26 | | Caliban wrote on Wed, 15 August 2012 05:44 | In his current state, Paul is a lot like a literal Genie - you need to very careful what you ask for. What you get may resemble what you wished for, but probably not the way you wanted it. 
I have a story arc in mind for the future that will hopefully develop Paul some more as a character.
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Will his normal personality return, or is he in his drick out modus all the time?
Thank you for writing, sorry that I kind of forgot commenting
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Normal Paul will return, he's just made his own concoction to sustain his manic state - devisor distilled soda syrup. He can't sustain it much longer, as he pointed out in the story.
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| Re: Falling to Pieces Discussion [message #63551 is a reply to message #63539 ] |
Fri, 17 August 2012 02:48 |
Caliban
Messages: 154
Registered: May 2011
Location: Phoenix, AZ |
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| GuesssWho wrote on Thu, 16 August 2012 16:34 | Ever read Perdido Street Station? Because Rend kinda makes me think of Jack Half-A-Prayer.
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I'm afraid I haven't read that one, sorry.
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| Re: Falling to Pieces Discussion [message #63552 is a reply to message #61260 ] |
Fri, 17 August 2012 05:12 |
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GuesssWho
Messages: 257
Registered: December 2011 |
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It's good. Surreal as Hell, but good.
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| Re: Falling to Pieces Discussion [message #63555 is a reply to message #61260 ] |
Fri, 17 August 2012 07:23 |
Simonbob
Messages: 11
Registered: January 2012
Location: Australia |
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| Quote: | And speaking of Dad, where was he when all of this was going on? It seems that someone called in an anonymous tip that the Evilutionary was going to be breaking out of jail that night, including enough details to make it seem credible. It turned out to be almost true. Someone had indeed smuggled what appeared to be a high temperature cutting torch to him, but it blew up in his hand after he cut though one bar of his cell. He survived, but with one arm and 3rd degree burns over sixty percent of his body, including his face. Turns out the Evilutionary doesn't have any kids, so I guess Dr. Jigsaw decided that was the next most suitable punishment for him. Anyway, Dad was on hand as Rematch in case they needed help subduing him again in the supposed break out attempt, and in all the excitement just kind of forgot about picking me up. So yeah...
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| Quote: | Just a little nudging here and there and the possible time lines collapsed into the actual time line he desired. Well, usually. He winced as the stump of his arm brushed against the blankets and his still healing burns itched. The hospital had also been a major missed opportunity. If only people would stick to their assigned roles instead of ad-libbing this would be so much easier. But no matter. There had simply been too many variables beyond his direct control at the hospital. Now that all the major players were here at the prison, everything was under his influence and the plan was firmly back on track.
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There's my guess for the Big Bad.
I do like the quality of this, even if it's a little dark. I'll enjoy more when it arrives.
If we only had technology to make ordnance out of stupid people. – RandomJ
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| Re: Falling to Pieces Discussion [message #69803 is a reply to message #61260 ] |
Fri, 07 December 2012 13:49 |
FuzzyBoots
Messages: 49
Registered: December 2012
Location: Pittsburgh, PA |
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My vote is for Evilutionry as the big bad for the same reasons of known injures, arrived at independently. I've very much enjoyed this so far. Short of something extreme, she's pretty much doomed to Hawthorne.
I'm hoping that this story eventually updates again. I registered an account pretty much entirely for the purpose of commenting.
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